What About the Boy?

A Father's Pledge to His Disabled Son

by Stephen Gallup

The Secret About Gatekeepers

I’m fascinated by this continuing and accelerating erosion of the control that traditional gatekeepers have held over our lives. Lots of observers, with various different axes to grind, continue to write about this.

Some note that automation, in the form of interactive websites and self-service gas stations and cash registers, is adding to unemployment. Or, at least, it’s eliminating jobs that don’t add value to what others have created.

Some point to the ways in which amateur online journalists are now providing a reality check on big media, and myriad other small operators are using technology to overtake the complacent Goliaths in our world.

This trend has casualties, but I think it’s empowering.

One example: When the time arrived for me to show What About the Boy? to the publishing realm, I found myself repeatedly bumping up against literary agents and acquisitions editors who claimed to see merit in my story but feared to get behind it. Some admitted to being unable to proceed simply because my name is not a household word. The book exists anyway because I realized I didn’t need them. 

“No one is going to pick you,” Seth Godin points out. But that’s OK, since nowadays you can “pick yourself.”

In short, power is shifting from big organizations to small, informal groups and individuals.

If you are a parent with concerns about your kid, which nobody is adequately addressing, this trend is especially good.

I think the ultimate appeal of What About the Boy? is its presumption that individuals have the right, and the power, to make decisions for themselves, as opposed to letting authority figures hand them a circumscribed menu of choices.

Now, this comes with the understanding that we may not always make good choices. (By the same token, my ability to publish this book does not automatically mean I can do it well or deliver a quality product.) Eliminating gatekeepers does not guarantee success. On the other hand, how often do gatekeepers facilitate success? How often are they middle men, at best? At least, when we take responsibility, the choices and the results of those choices are ours. If we care, we will do our very best, and will enlist real help where needed. It’s true that sometimes certain desired outcomes remain out of reach. Nevertheless, choosing our own response to whatever fate sends our way makes us less a victim and more a participant in the way life unfolds.

I see people doing this daily as I monitor online discussions concerning developmental disabilities.

A lady reports that her nephew is constantly walking on his toes, and that the parents are taking him to a podiatrist. This triggers a rather well-informed discussion of what toe-walking may indicate and how others have treated the underlying cause.

One parent asks about the merits of homeopathy. Another responds, “Did absolutely nothing for us.“ The first comes back for more details. “How long did you guys try it for?”

Yet another parent complains that her child is expected to wait a full year before the neurologist can see her. I am among those who step in with suggestions, and the collected responses make fascinating reading, both about the smartest way to get in front of a good neurologist and about what to expect.

What About the Boy? describes my family’s quest for help in the days way back before the Internet was available. We took our son to a doctor who acknowledged that he had major problems, but the doctor had absolutely nothing to recommend in terms of treatment.

We insisted, “There’s got to be something we can do for him!”

“Oh, there are programs out there for children like yours,” the doctor said. “But I’m not about to suggest anything. “They’re controversial.”

“How are we supposed to make intelligent decisions if we don’t know our options?” my wife demanded.

“Talk to other parents,” was all the good doctor would suggest. And that hint started us down a very long path.

Sometimes, I think, gatekeepers don’t even want that role. I think the more intelligent ones hate to find themselves in the path of highly motivated seekers en route to an objective. They know, and we know, that if they can’t help us along the way, they’ve got no business being there.

As always, comments are welcome.


Tags:

 
 
 

3 Responses to “The Secret About Gatekeepers”

  1. Gravatar of David Blyth David Blyth
    30. March 2011 at 08:12

    Interesting reading, tho I found myself thinking of politics – or my old church.

    To what extent does a gatekeeper try to do something good for us rather than empowering us to do it for ourselves? Is that inherent to the position or just an occupational hazard (tho a bad one)?

  2. Gravatar of steve steve
    30. March 2011 at 15:30

    Well, it is politics, sure, because it boils down to who has power in a given interaction. And I think the power tends to be more interesting to the gatekeeper than whether value is added.

    WATB contains examples of how this plays out. But since WATB isn’t yet available, you might want to see another memoir, Schuyler’s Monster, by Robert Rummel-Hudson. His account of getting around an educator who was blocking their access to an appropriate communication device for his daughter is very instructive.

  3. Gravatar of Arelya J Mitchell Arelya J Mitchell
    4. April 2011 at 13:32

    Steven, how insightful you are concerning gatekeepers, and how this new age of what I call ‘Big Sister is watching’ has a new level of positives as well as negatives. But she is more intriguing than ‘Big Brother’ because she allows individuals to empower themselves. Getting back to the gatekeepers who believe in saying ‘no’ for the very sake of saying ‘no’ or shall I say for the very sake of thinking they have the ultimate no… it is no wonder that mediocrity reigns. If nothing new or different is never or seldom allowed in, then nothing new can be produced. In dialectics you have the thesis, the antithesis and together they produce a synthesis. The bottom line is that this process produces more creativity, more ideas and ideals, solutions to problems, etc. The publishing industry has been so snotty and snobbish for so long that now that its Ivy League walls are crumbling into the 21st century, it can longer operate under the illusion of its own elitism. Granted there is nothing new about mediocrity drowning in ‘stalemate’ because some manage to get by and under the gatekeepers to storm the Bastille. One must remember that James Joyce did not have a ‘name’ or D.H. Lawrence, and many can be added to that list who went on to establish themselves.(And for that matter, even Bill Gates, who also wrote a book, did not have a ‘name’ and IBM thought he was delusional for thinking a PC could be in every home… ) For an idiot to tell you that he cannot deal with you because you have no name is right up there as the epitome of mediocrity. It is not your son with a disability; it is a level of thinking that makes it nearly impossible to take thinking to another level where problems can even be attempted to be solved. And people wonder why education is at such a low level; and why the publishing industry as a whole is “Animal Farm”.